Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
