guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize