We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Text me some of your sweat
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