During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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