what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
