I wannas sexs uuuuu
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
