How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize