By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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