We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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