i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
