I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
