oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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