Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
