Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
