I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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