After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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