yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize