It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
