a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
