areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
