Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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