I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize