Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't just leave with hair like that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
