either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
