He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
