i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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