she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
