Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
