now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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