then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
