Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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