Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
