even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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