It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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