Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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