After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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