people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
