On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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