fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
