Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
