Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
