I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
