Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
