Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
