Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
