Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
