I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
