sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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