Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
