If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
