Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
