every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
