dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize