what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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