No stitches, just platelets and will power
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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