I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
