Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
