She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
