make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
