I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
