you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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