I'm so fucking centered right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
