just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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