If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
