You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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