Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
