she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
