Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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