my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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