She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
