Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
