Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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