Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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