His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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