Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
