and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize